Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Planning a Wedgie

I am dieting and I don't like it. I miss the usual rich foods and especially, the wine. I really miss my wine. I haven't even had a martini in almost a week. :::sob::: This is hard but I have promised myself a month of caloric depravation so am eating light, not drinking and working hard at losing a dress size.

As a form of self flagellation, I made myself a salad of cardboard lettuce. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know I hate that crappy iceberg lettuce. It has no nutritional value whatsoever and it tastes like recycled cardboard. Worse, it isn't even appetizing or pretty.

The other day, my grocery shop-aholic DH came home with a big head of iceberg lettuce. I couldn't believe my eyes for he knows I won't eat it and when was the last time I have ever seen him sit down and make himself a salad? -- NOT in this lifetime.

I hefted a head of lettuce about the size of a basketball out of the grocery bag and groaned. "Why in the hay-ell did you buy this disgusting crap?"

"It was a bargain at only 50 cents for this huge head of lettuce."

"You know that I will not eat this kind of lettuce."

"I always ate this kind of lettuce growing up. It's the only kind of lettuce we ate. It is good lettuce."

"It tastes like cardboard and it has no color and no vitamins. I am going to throw it in the garbage."

Now, W4D knows that I abhor wasting food and that I can't really throw away food because that is the way I was raised but I really think I could have tossed it in the garbage anyway. Maybe.

W4D tried to hide a knowing grin and said, 'Don't toss it, I will eat it."

Yeah. Right. in 33 years, I have never seen the man make a salad for himself. This huge head of anemic lettuce is taking up practically the whole bottom shelf of my fridge. Of course, that is where the wine is usually chilling and it's empty anyway but still. ::::pout::::

For lunch, I decided to make myself a couple of hard boiled eggs. I peeled them and they just looked so bland and boring that I couldn't bear to eat them. I looked in the fridge and there sat that huge pale ball, devoid of calories, egging me on, as it were. So yes, I made a little colorless nest to hold my hardboiled egg luncheon. I added the last of my cherry tomatoes, a few scrapes of Locatelli cheese and some slivers of red cabbage. It still looked pitiful so I pinched a bloom off the alstromaerias that W4D recently brought home. At least the man is pretty good about keeping me in fresh flowers. I decorated the plate with the flower.

Lunch was still ugly.

Cardboard Salad

I ate it anyway but it would have tasted a lot better with tender leaf lettuces and a glass of wine.

The flower is now on my desk to remind me to cut a huge wedge of that cardboard lettuce and serve it to W4D tonight for supper. He bought it. He has to eat it.

7 comments:

Sanne said...

I have always thought that your dieting would be a sparkling party! :) You are SO great at cooking. I am also on a diet (ask me when I'm not!), eat vegetables 'til I have red eyes and long ears. :D I haven't lost a pound, but havent' gained either and that's the good part.

lots of e-hugs from Denmark with the expensive vegetables
Sanne

jackie said...

iceberg lettuce is horrific on it's own, BUT--and this is going to sound weird--wilt it on your grill, and it's actually pretty good. or you can mix it with other, better lettuces, and then all you really get is the crunch, and that ain't so bad. god i hate dieting. but seriously, in spite of the fact that this is going to sound like an ad or something--you should try those first two weeks of the south beach diet. you don't eat a lot of carbs and sugar anyway, and it's only two weeks, and it really does work. plus you still get to eat somet hings that taste good. ok--done. and--that said--am i managing to stick to my own diet??? NO!

Flaurella said...

Sanne, you don't need to lose any weight. I love veggies but I love everything else, too.

BTW, I read that gas in Dennmark is over $6 US dollars (converted) a gallon. Is that true? Yikes!

Flaurella said...

Jackie, I will grill ANYTHING so I will definitely give this a try. I have used lettuce leaves on the coals to stop grill flare-ups. That works great since the lettuce doesn't burn and keeps the drippings off the coals. Never thought of eating the grilled lettuce leaves!

I used to make peas, French style, with cooked shredded lettuce but haven't made them in years. Maybe I will make them now that I still have about 5 pounds of iceberg lettuce in the fridge. ha!

hazelorbs said...

lol! i totally agree...iceberg lettuce isn't really lettuce...just crispy water shaped funny. much prefer romaine or something an actual green and leafy. good luck with the diet! i enjoyed your site...feel free to stop by mine!

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