Planning a Wedgie

I am dieting and I don't like it. I miss the usual rich foods and especially, the wine. I really miss my wine. I haven't even had a martini in almost a week. :::sob::: This is hard but I have promised myself a month of caloric depravation so am eating light, not drinking and working hard at losing a dress size.

As a form of self flagellation, I made myself a salad of cardboard lettuce. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know I hate that crappy iceberg lettuce. It has no nutritional value whatsoever and it tastes like recycled cardboard. Worse, it isn't even appetizing or pretty.

The other day, my grocery shop-aholic DH came home with a big head of iceberg lettuce. I couldn't believe my eyes for he knows I won't eat it and when was the last time I have ever seen him sit down and make himself a salad? -- NOT in this lifetime.

I hefted a head of lettuce about the size of a basketball out of the grocery bag and groaned. "Why in the hay-ell did you buy this disgusting crap?"

"It was a bargain at only 50 cents for this huge head of lettuce."

"You know that I will not eat this kind of lettuce."

"I always ate this kind of lettuce growing up. It's the only kind of lettuce we ate. It is good lettuce."

"It tastes like cardboard and it has no color and no vitamins. I am going to throw it in the garbage."

Now, W4D knows that I abhor wasting food and that I can't really throw away food because that is the way I was raised but I really think I could have tossed it in the garbage anyway. Maybe.

W4D tried to hide a knowing grin and said, 'Don't toss it, I will eat it."

Yeah. Right. in 33 years, I have never seen the man make a salad for himself. This huge head of anemic lettuce is taking up practically the whole bottom shelf of my fridge. Of course, that is where the wine is usually chilling and it's empty anyway but still. ::::pout::::

For lunch, I decided to make myself a couple of hard boiled eggs. I peeled them and they just looked so bland and boring that I couldn't bear to eat them. I looked in the fridge and there sat that huge pale ball, devoid of calories, egging me on, as it were. So yes, I made a little colorless nest to hold my hardboiled egg luncheon. I added the last of my cherry tomatoes, a few scrapes of Locatelli cheese and some slivers of red cabbage. It still looked pitiful so I pinched a bloom off the alstromaerias that W4D recently brought home. At least the man is pretty good about keeping me in fresh flowers. I decorated the plate with the flower.

Lunch was still ugly.



I ate it anyway but it would have tasted a lot better with tender leaf lettuces and a glass of wine.

The flower is now on my desk to remind me to cut a huge wedge of that cardboard lettuce and serve it to W4D tonight for supper. He bought it. He has to eat it.