Flaurella: Crude TeeVee

Since we finally have digital TV in our little town, we have a lot of new channels that the rest of the urban world has probably had for years. But, new to us is The Learning Channel, A&E, Bravo, Court TV, The History Channel, Animal Planet, the Cooking Channel and much more. Flipping the bipper through the offerings last night, I stumbled across a program that looked like Cops vs. Mad Max. It turned out, I had found, "DOG, The Bounty Hunter."

I had enjoyed last year's HBO series Family Bonds, about the Long Island bounty hunter family. It was so disgusting and tacky that I didn't dare miss a moment of that series, but compared to The Dog and his bounty hunters, the Family Bonds folks were only twice removed from the Brady Bunch. I had to check out this DOG character, even if it meant missing Big Brother. DH aka W4D and I both sat here with our mouths open. We couldn't tell the good guys from the bad guys at first and it took us about 15 minutes to realize the locale was Hawaii not Florida.

I admit that I am fascinated by low-lifes and pond scum. DH says my character is flawed because I like these tacky, tawdry, cheesy crime capture shows. Haruumph!

By the time the second episode started, I had dragged out a TV table and planted myself squarely in front of the tube, finishing a lite summer supper and sucking up wine, never taking my eyes off the TV. I started waggling my wine glass over my head so W4D would get me a quick refill. I couldn't bear to miss a second of the action. This was exceptional TV!

"What have you done with my wife? asked DH

"Shssssh! I am watching this. Look at these people! Look at that hair! Check out those tats! Look! Mama has lost a fake nail! Did you think people really dressed like this beyond Thunderdome? Need more wine, please!"

"Why are you watching this crap?"

"Check out the mullets. I don't think I have ever before seen that many mullets on one screen in my lifetime. Those look like gang tattos to me. I bet it really hurts to get your neck tatted."

Checking out the biggest bosoms he has ever seen , W4D asked, "Do you think those are real?"

"I'm not sure but The DOG Dude has hair extensions. and, he has a DA on top of his head. Ut, oh. I can see the bald spot under the extensions. Bwahahaha!"

As the Dog and the Posse clasp hands and begin to pray to Jesus before their next take-down, DH said, "I can't believe you like this stuff."

"This, my dear, is quality television. At least I don't watch NASCAR."

It's just that I have never been exposed to the seedy world of bounty hunters or cops tackling perps or busting crack ho's. See how easily I just tossed in that technical crime word, perps and how comfortable I am speaking of crack ho's? I've come a long way, bay-bay. Anyway, I was glued to the TV for half an hour and then at the break, they announced it was DOG MARATHON NIGHT on A&E. Whoo-Hoo! I saw 8 half hour episodes at one sitting. How could I have never heard of this bizarre program before??

Dog and Chuck

I had to check out the web for more info on this Dog Dude and "his posse." I went to the Dog, The Bounty Hunter website. I read the bios of his posse to W4D and we both laughed so hard I fell off the chair and W4D snorted bourbon out his nose.