Bon Ton

Today is Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, the end of Carnivale. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent. Easter is late this year, on W4D's birthday in April. That's really late. I don't plan to abstain from meat or to fast during the 40 days of Lent even though I could use the discipline and a low cal diet. I have an online friend who gives up his Sapphire martinis for Lent. Now that's a devoted, dedicated man and a serious sacrifice. I used to give up wine for the entire 40 days but that was before I turned 18. Eighteen used to be the legal age in Florida.



I've been watching off and on, the live NOLA BurboCam and BeadCams online for the last few days. I keep looking for someone I know. Anyone I know. Hey! I just saw a man in a pink afro, a green, purple and gold (GPG) striped shirt wearing an animal print crinkle skirt with tennis shoes and white crew socks, and he's wearing a GPG necklace of metallic colored beads the size of grapefruits. I have never seen such big balls on a necklace. Oh, my! Here comes more people with them on. I need one of those necklaces. There goes a butterfly with hairy legs. I see a bald man on the balcony with a giant penis painted on his head throwing beads to the babes. Whole lotta dancin' goin' on and it is still daylight in New Orleans. I want that marabou trimmed pink cowboy hat. Pretty lady with a painted top. Oh, she's wearing skin and paint. Period. No top.

Click here to see some live cam captures from this afternoon.
Sorry I didn't think of it sooner.
Pix could be clearer but you will still be able to see some of the above.
Tune in to the live cams tonight. It should be fun.

I'm glad the good people of New Orleans are trying to get on with life and have a little fun.
Party On NOLA, Party On!

You Wanted to Know

It's time to answer a few Flaurella queries. Searchers and seekers are welcome here and I will try my best to assist if you leave a comment, email me or rummage through my blog.

Welcome chicken pounders.
Maybe you weren't looking for the kind of instructions I am sharing?

Hello pink panty searchers. A single "panty" is spelled as shown. The plural of "panties" is as spelled within this sentence. Yes, we have no pantie. There are no pantie here. I feel your pain.

No, I don't know how many calories are in cheese ravioli with vodka sauce. Frankly, after I eat it, I just don't care.

I'm sorry, I only know one muffin joke but it the best one there is.

Ski porno voyeurs, sorry the Olympics are over. I still don't have any ski porno for you.

Yes, I would personally chill the Paisano. This is Florida. We chill everything we drink.

Yes, our darling pooch is named after Mr. Shariff. They both have big, brown expressive eyes but our dog is not Egyptian. He is half Chinese and half French. He prefers to pretend he is pure Chinese but he can bark in French.

No, I do not wear panty hose to the dentist. Come to think of it, I don't wear panty hose anywhere except to funerals and weddings. And no, I do not wish to bring any legal action against my dentist. Just because I am dentaphobic doesn't mean I want to sue her. ....Yes, a tiara is a sort of a "crown."

Yes! Everyone should drink Bosca Raspberry Sparkletini. It's yummy.

Sadly, to my knowledge, there are no longer any restaurants in Biloxi over the Gulf. Hurricane Katrina blew them all to smithereens but they will be rebuilt. Biloxi didn't whine or complain, they just got right back to taking care of business and rebuilding their lives and their city. I salute Biloxi and all of coastal Mississippi!

Yes, it's a catchy song, that "Sunshine and Lollipops" ditty. No, I didn't go to school with Leslie Gore. Is she still alive? ... The rest of you lollipop seekers wanting those large suckers to go with your adult baby doll pajamas and giant cribs should go to the local candy store at the mall. I don't know where you can buy those huge lollipops that will match your size XXXL nylon babydolls.

No, my W4D (What's For Dinner?) isn't the same as W4Dogma but you are welcome to snag my hubbie's photos if you wish. Yes, they are FREE.

Sure! Some day, I will be happy to make the time to take pictures when I roll chimichangas.

No, I don't think they have Goo Goo Clusters in Argentina but you never know. If you find them there, drop me a note!

Mr. Carlson may have thought so but no, turkeys cannot fly, at least not more than a few feet up to a tree limb.

Please! Do not consider making my divine neighbor's bovine into beef jerky. Actually, we make our own jerky every now and then in the McCullor's smoker but we do not personally know the divine bovine that we smoke..

No, I do not really have classic Tourette's Disease and yes, I love harp music, and no, it does not aggravate the Tourette's that I do not have.

Yes, my DH, the infamous Lubricator, AKA W4D, is really and truly a grocery shopaholic. I have confiscated his ATM card and he is currently undergoing FAST (Flaurella Anti-grocery ShockTherapy). I am not kidding.

Why are so many of you constantly searching for "hurt bunnies?" :((

Yes, Yes, YES! We do grow 'em big here.

Anus perverts, please just leave. Enough already. You can buy all the ginger root you want or need at your local green grocer.

And now, to erase any anal retentive images I may have conjured, here's a picture that I took of a pretty Alstroemaria lily, speaking of which, I emptied all the vases of flowers today. Hint, hint.



Happy Monday!

Special Consideration

I'm being a good wiffy so I made Mussels Marinara for The Lubricator last night. Actaully, it's a fast and easy dinner. The hardest part is cleaning the mussels.

Start a pot of salted water for your pasta. Linguini is great but I was out of linguini last night so I used fettuccini. Get your pot of salted water boiling but don't drop the pasta yet.

In large skillet with a tight lid or a medium kettle with secure lid, add a splash of good olive oil and gently sauté 1 or 2 cloves minced garlic and a dash of red pepper flakes for about a minute, being careful not to overcook the garlic. You just want it just transparent and when you smell it, it's done. I like to use about 1/4 teaspoon of red pepper flakes but I like the sauce on the spicy side. Add one large (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes. I prefer Progresso "Recipe Ready" with added puree and basil. Now add your herbs. I like about 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano and one teaspoon dried basil. You can also use an Italian herb mix and if you have fresh herbs, by all means use them instead of dried, just add about twice as much more than you would if using dried.

Drop your pasta into your boiling water and cook for 8 to 10 minutes while you continue with the next step. Set a timer for the pasta and don't over cook. You can keep it warm for a few minutes while you finish the mussels if needed.

Continue to cook the sauce on medium low heat for about 5-8 minutes and then add about 1/3 cup white wine. If you don't have wine, you can add about 2 tablespoons of lemon juice instead but wine is better. The sauce will be thinner than spaghetti sauce. Stir and blend, bring to a slow bubble and now you are ready to add your cleaned and de-bearded mussels.

Turn up the heat and drop in the mussels. Don't mess with them, just cover the pot and make sure you don't overcook your pasta in the other pot. Have a sip of wine. Toss the salad. A pound of mussels will feed about four persons. You'll have a lot of mussels and not so much sauce which is good since you are going to cover the pot and sort of let the mussels steam open over the sauce. This will take about 3 to 5 minutes depending on how many mussels you have. Discard any mussels that do not open.

Plate the hot, drained pasta, gently scoop out portions mussels for each plate then pour the marinara sauce equally between all the plates. Sprinkle with chopped, fresh parsley and serve with crusty bread or focaccia and keep the salad chilled in the fridge until after you eat the mussels marinara. Eating the salad last will cleanse the palate. That's the way my Italian mother-in-law taught me and the salad really does taste better after the mussels!


Click my Photo to View Larger

Happy It's Over

I spent 3 hours and 10 minutes in the dental chair. I didn't slap anyone or bite anyone nor get up and bolt. (And yes, I have done two of the three in the past.) I ingested as many drugs as they would give me and let the Lubricator pamper me. I have slept more in the last two days than I did during the whole previous week. The house is full of flowers. Flowers make me happy. The Lube makes me happy. My thoughtful man deserves Italian food since it makes him happy. I'll be cooking stuff W4D likes the rest of the week. I might even meet him at the door this eve with my hair combed and wearing lipstick, bearing a tray of cocktails and hors doeuvres. A man who fills the house with flowers deserves some special treats. Plus, he took time off from work to hold my hand and calm me down.

That, or he didn't want me out on the roads zonked out of my gourd.

Either way, he deserves some special consideration.


Red Camellia on my dinner tray

Make Someone Happy

Am armed with plenty of dental drugs. Xanax is my friend.

Today, they will grind my big old crumbly molar down into a little nubbin and slap a temp crown on it. I don't have a root canal on this tooth. I can't bear to think about it so I will think about something that makes me happy.

Cocktails make me happy.

This is vanilla vodka, Midori honeydew liquer and triple sec. I don't know if this drink has a name since I made it up last night. I wanted a Bombay Sapphire martini but we were out of Bombay. Rummaged through the liquor cabinet and this is what I came up with. The garnish is half a fresh strawberry and sliced kiwi fruit. If you cut the strawberry in half, it will lay flat on kiwi, pineapple or whatever sliced fruit you want to use.



Fruit is nice. Liquor is good.
Ambien is helpful. Xanax is awesome.
I hope I won't remember a thing.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

This is a dental torture week for me. Some don't understand what all the fuss is about but the fear is all consuming to a phobic. Can't work, can't concentrate, can't sleep for over a week before dental appointments. I'm meaner than a snake, extremely ill-tempered and a sleep deprived, royal bitch. But, by about this time tomorrow, the worst should be over. Until it is, I am only going to think of things that make me happy.

Classic cars make me happy.


My tailight makes me happy.

Out-Foxed

Here's a photo of my Aunt Belle and friends bird hunting in Texas circa 1910. Aunt Belle is the little lady in the back, second from the left. She lived to be almost a hundred years old. Good thing she didn't go bird hunting with Cheney.



Check out the dog, front and center. He looks like a giant red fox. I imagine that dog was a porch dog rather than a bird dog. I bet his name was Foxy. My dad's family always had dogs named Foxy. Old Foxy, Little Foxy, always a Foxy.

This and That

I had a little guest today on my hand mirror in the bathroom. Did you know that chameleons could turn themselves the color of silver? Okay, make that the color of silver that needs polishing. I tossed a hand towel on Lizzie and released her outside in the fern garden where Mr. Lee Zard and all his cousins live. I suspect they are all wooing her as I type.



The funniest thing I read all week:

Two muffins are in the oven.
One muffin says to the other one,
"God it's hot in here."
The other muffin says
"Sweet Jesus! A talking muffin!"

Later Gators.

S.W.A.K.

I had a terrific Valentine breakfast this morning that W4D made for me. I love pancakes -- not that fluffy tasteless variety like you get in restaurants but stick-to-your-ribs buckwheat or corn cakes with bacon so that's what was waiting on me after I slept in and finally tottered downstairs - with fresh raspberries, no less. I adore raspberries!


Thanks Dear, breakfast was delish!

I'm making dinner for us tonight. It's too crowded to go out on Valentine's Day so we'll go out another night for a romantic dinner. Tonight we stay in. I've created a special cocktail for the occasion. I call it a "Valentina." It's pale pink and frothy and here's how I make it:

1 part Vanilla Vodka (Denaka)
1 part Triple Sec or Cointreau
1 part Rose's Watermelon Infusion
1 part Whisky Sour Mix (I like Holland House)

Shake in cocktail shaker over ice and pour straight up into a large, chilled martini glass. Garnish with strawberry or watermelon. I'll be making a few more shakers of these tonight for W4D and me.


Flaurella's Valentina Cocktail

Now, I'd better get busy prepping dinner and hunting up lots of candles. Hope you have a cozy and romantic Valentine's evening with someone you love.

Frogmore What?

Mighty cold here in North Florida this week. It was 23 degrees last night and we are expecting 22 degrees tonight. I guess we can't complain after seeing all the snow up in the Northeast.

When it's cold, I like to cook and keep the kitchen warm and just because it is winter, doesn't mean we don't eat seafood. Yesterday, I made traditional Frogmore Stew. There are no frogs in Frogmore Stew. It's named after a South Carolina island out by Hilton Head, not the hoppers. This low country seafood dish usually contains smoked beef sausage, fresh corn, potatoes, shrimp and or crabs, spices and seafood seasoning. The ­seasonings and ingredients vary, depending on taste, location, and what's readily available.

In addition to my basic recipe, you can add crabs and small whole onions if you wish. Some people add garlic or a fresh lemon cut in half and squeezed over the pot before you toss it in, rind and all. I love this dish because it is fast and easy and always delicious. You just can't beat Old Bay Seasoning for a tasty blend of spices. Here's my standard recipe and it will serve 10 to 12. Use a bigger pot, more water and seasoning if you add crabs. Cut ingredients in half (as shown) for a smaller group and hope you have some leftovers for the next day.



You will need a large stock pot or covered Dutch kettle for this dish.
Into your large pot, add about 5 quarts hot water and:

* 1/4 cup Old Bay Seasoning (trust me and do not substitute)
* 4 pounds creamers (small red potatoes, skins on)
* 2 pounds kielbasa sausage cut into 1 1/2 to 2 inch chunks
* (you can use any hot smoked beef link sausage but pre-cook it so it is browned or do as I do and use Hillshire Farms Pre-cooked)
* 5 - 6 ears fresh corn, shucked and snapped in half
* 4 pounds large fresh shrimp, headed, but shells on, rinsed well.
* Save, more old Bay Seasoning, cocktail sauce and parsley for garnish

Bring the water to a boil in your large boiler pot.
* Add 1/4 cup Old Bay Seasoning and boil for a minute.
* Add the potatoes, bring back to a boil and cook uncovered for 10 minutes after the taters start boiling.
* Add the sausage and corn to the pot and bring back up to a boil.
* Cook another 10 minutes and test the potatoes to make sure they are tender.
* Add the unshelled fresh shrimp and cook an additional 3 - 4 minutes until the shrimp turns pink.

Drain well and pour into a large shallow bowl or big ole platter.
Lightly sprinkle all with Old Bay Seasoning and chopped fresh parsley.
Serve with small bowls of spicy cocktail sauce and your fave white wine.
Get wild and have crusty bread slathered in butter, too.


Tastes even better than it looks!

Gelatinous Blobs, Past and Present

Feeling fine today, thank you, but I am going to stick with my liquid diet for another day. No sense tempting my intestinal bacterium to start throwing another hissy fit. Besides, a liquid diet isn't so bad. I'll make W4D a steak but I am going to have soup for supper and there's a big ole vodka martini calling my name right now. I shall anesthetize any surviving bad germs with Stoli.

It was 28 degrees last night but it warmed up nicely to 64 degrees today. Such a wide temperature range is normal for us in North Florida in the wintertime. Thanks to all the rain and our mild winter, the azaleas are starting to bloom.


Azaleas by Flaurella's back porch

In about a week the azaleas would be at peak but we are in for a hard freeze several days in a row later this weekend and next week so I imagine all tender buds and recent blooms will freeze back. We'll still have blooms the second time around but it will not be a great year for color. Enjoy them now. By Monday, they will surely be soggy, gelatinous, pink blobs of spent color.

Bummer.

Rollin' on the River

I dragged myself off the sofa to let you know that I am ill. My throat is sore and my stomach aches but I will surely feel better by tomorrow since I never get sick. The Lubricator has a council meeting tonight and I am going to curl up under a quilt, watchTV and drink ginger ale - plain ginger ale.

Since I feel like hell, here's a pic of the River Styx. Brush up on your Greek mythology. See how the cypress trees growing in the river wear ruffled skirts?



Yes, Virginia, there really is a River Styx in North Florida near Gainesville.
We don't need no steenkin' mythology.

Gifted

For a Valentine's gift, W4D and I planned to give each other a piece of stained glass. We'd like something to hang in a tall southern window as well as something over the horizontal transom at the front of the house to catch the morning light. A pretty glass panel for either location would make a great gift. We decided a month or so ago that this was something we would both enjoy and that this would be our Valentine's Day treat to each other. Then, we decided that we needed new wicker furniture on the veranda and that would also make a nice shared gift. Valentine's Day is but a week away and we haven't shopped or ordered anything. No stained glass. No wicker.

This may turn out to be the same scenario as the Christmas we decided not to buy gifts for each other since we wanted to renovate our kitchen. We still have not renovated the kitchen and now we just give little gifts since the kitchen project is still in the planning stages and after all, that will be the real gift when we re-do the kitchen. We've been planning for three Christmas seasons. What can I say? Shopping for Christmas gifts is a breeze now since we only buy stocking stuffers while we keep talking about the new kitchen that will be our gift to each other.

This afternoon, I took some pictures of some stained glass already in our house. I probably don't need any more after all.



Click here to view my photos of stained glass and don't look too closely. I need to dust.

Tossed

At our little post office, there is a trash bin where people toss the magazines and catalogs they don't care to read. Someone who shall remain nameless likes to poke through the bin and bring home interesting reading materials. You may recall this same person rooting through the trash to conduct his own highly scientific poll of tossed campaign letters during the last local election. Anyway, HWSRN (He Who Shall Remain Nameless) picked up a rejected glossy magazine produced by the Florida League of Cities and later found his own name listed in that publication. This is more than enough proof that most political careers start and end in the dumper.

It's a misty cool day here, a good day to stay tucked inside. My gladiolus have already sprouted over a foot tall. If they don't freeze back I may have gladiola blooms in March instead of May. Everything is turning green and my dogwood has buds.


Dogwood Bud, Feb 7th
See North Florida set for more.

Even though we're having a wet and mild winter, I am more than ready for Spring. Remind me that I wrote this a couple of months from now when I am bitching about the heat.

I'm making comfort food for dinner -- meatloaf, veggies and mashed potatoes. What sort of cocktails does one serve before eating meatloaf? Maybe beer? I think there are a couple of Amberbocks in the back of the fridge. Since I am not much of a beer drinker, I'll probably have a bourbon. Hmmmm. Beer and Bourbon. Isn't that a boilermaker? Euuu. I am not drinking that.

Old Bones

Happy Birthday, Sharon!

Drag your very old self over to our house.
I have some nachos, refried beans
and chicken quesadillas with your name on them.
I'll make you a huge Pina Colada, too.

If you are at home reading this, you are late!


Click picture above for
Food Network Pina Colada Recipe!

It's Always The Breasts

There were a few interesting searches that brought people to Flaurella this week. I fully understood why so many peeps looking for raspberry sparkletini, martini, appletini, apples soaked in vodka, tooni, cocktail, and a twist of lemon found me. I wasn't at all surprised that shrimp cocktail, canapés and caviar brought in a few new folks. I can even understand why someone found me via "dog the bounty hunter hair extensions." After all, his hair extensions are magnifico and they go so well with that bleached blonde pompadour of which I am so very fond. What I don't get are the three requests for the "2006 guest book of big ladies in town in Kingdom of Saudi Arabia." I wonder if they were looking for fat ladies or phat ladies. Oh, yes, even though I am an old hippie. I know all about fat vs. phat, I can't understand why Flaurella would get a hit from that search string.

The weirdest request was for instructions and "pictures of how to insert a ginger root into an anus." I am not making this stuff up. I have a really ugly picture in my head thanks to this and I can't even remember mentioning ginger root in this blog. I looked up the search string and am sorry I did.

As usual, the number one search term that brought Flaurella hits was "breasts." It's always "breasts." I think breasts are the most searched word on the web. Little do breast-searchers know that I only write about chicken breasts. Bwahahaha!

On a more gentle, tiara worthy note, here's a pic of my Thai plant. The leaves range from shocking pink to maroon and we carefully cover it all winter long whenever there is danger of frost or freeze. I love a splash of shocking pink in the yard, especially on a gray winter day.

The Lip Stick

W4D has offered to buy me a new lipstick.
The manly-man has never before bought me a lipstick.
He gave me this ad.



I keep thinking that I might pull out the wrong lipstick at the wrong time.

I imagine trying to touch up my lip color at the bar at Bonefish after a passion fruit martini and the tube starts buzzing. Missy, my regular bartender, would raise her eyebrows and be the soul of discretion but I would be very embarrassed.

Worse.

Consider the alternative.
It's dark and you need a little buzz action.
You end up painting the wrong set of lips. Ack!

To say nothing of "three inches long, retracted."

Ahem.

Okay Dear, go ahead and order it for me.
A gal can never have too many lipsticks.

Divine Bovine

This is exactly how I feel today.



...like a cow.

Fenced in,
Fat,
Complacent,
With the sun is shining in my eyes. (yaye!)

Here is the first joke I taught our daughter that she understood and thought funny. She was three

Where do cows go on dates?

Scroll down.

Scroll down.

Scroll one more time.

You follow directions well.

So, where do cows go on dates?


To the Mooo--vies, of course.